Kaleb and I have been really searching lately. We know that our lives are about to drastically change in May. We also know that Ella will be starting school in August, and that if we want to continue to have her on a regular basis like we do now, that we'll most likely have to move 4 hours away to Shreveport, where her mom will be living. I've just always assumed that when she started school we'd move up there. So Kaleb's been applying for jobs and we've really been praying that God would open the doors we need for us to get up there before she starts school. With a new baby coming along, we know that we're going to have to work extra hard for Ella to always feel like we are a family even though she's not with us all the time. We've prayed and prayed for God to work his miracles to put us up there, assuming that up there is where He wants us. After all, how could He possibly want us to be away from Ella?? All this time, I thought that I was stepping out on faith by trusting that God would move us up there. I realized recently, though, that although I thought I was having faith, in actuality I was just stuffing God into my own box--the "we have to live in Shreveport for this to work" box. It's the only thing that made sense to me, so I assumed it was the only way God could possibly choose to work things.
His ways are not our own.
These past few weeks have come as a complete spiritual renewal for Kaleb and me. The sermon series we're doing at church, "You Were Made for More," has really put a cry in both our hearts to be all that God wants for us. We both feel that God is moving in a very big way, not only in us, but in our church. We feel that big things are happening and are about to happen. And, as much as I struggled to admit it, we need to be here to experience them.
God calls us to do things that don't make sense to everyone else. Or us. We learned about Joshua, and how God just told them to march around a city and it would be delivered to them. Say what?? March around and it'll all fall into place?? Sounds crazy. But it worked because it was God's will. It was His plan, not Joshua's. The story that's sticking out the most to me right now is that of Abraham sacrificing Isaac. I know it's a little dramatic, but stick with me here. God told Abraham to take his only son and to kill him. As an offering to God. Not just to move away from him. Kill him. I'm sure Abraham thought God was nuts. How could it possibly be good for Isaac to die? How could that be what God wanted? But Abraham trusted God with everything He had. We don't know if he thought that maybe God had a way out, but he had faith that if God said it, He had a perfect reason to. He's God. And you know what God did? He provided a sacrifice for Abraham. He stopped him from killing Isaac and provided a ram in the thicket. He worked it out perfectly, just like He always does.
So I've come to realize that my faith wasn't really faith in God as much as it was faith that God would work things out my way. It's becoming more and more clear now that God is going to work things out His way. How amazing will it be when God provides a way for us to still see Ella?? The school she'll be going to is a Christian pre-school. Maybe they'll be flexible with the weeks she's there. She's already learned a lot in the school we used to have her in here. Who knows? God does, and that's what matters.
It's been an amazing thing to see God reveal Himself and His will to my wonderful husband and myself. Kaleb was much more open to the idea, so he let God reveal it to him long before I opened up to the idea. In all of this, I'm also becoming more and more thankful for the amazing husband that God set aside for me. He truly has become the spiritual leader for our family, and my favorite part in all of this is being able to see him allow God to work through him and share things with me that God's sharing with him.
Our God is amazing! I love Him so much! He will make a way for us here. He is our Provider!