I always hated Valentine's Day. Mainly because I was always single for it and felt it was just a way for people in relationships to throw it in my face that I wasn't in one, but still. Throughout college, I celebrated Black Saturday, Black Tuesday, Black Monday, Black whatever day Valentine's Day landed on. I even made cute cards with black hearts on them for my friends...good times. My mom would give me a "Happy Movie Day!" gift or some other random holiday that fell around V-Day. It was awesome. I'm married now, and I thought that all of that would change. Apparently, it hasn't.
I was really excited about it earlier this week...I have big plans for Kaleb and I on Friday night, and I was so thrilled to get to do something special for him. I guess I still am, but I'm just really depressed today. I almost cried in front of my students, who think that Valentine's Eve isn't a night when they have to do homework and that Valentine's Day isn't a day when they should have to do classwork. I'm sick of the situation I'm in and the fact that nothing I do seems to make it better.
I feel selfish because I know that Kaleb is giving me a pedicure, which is what I asked for for Valentine's Day, but I kind of thought he would automatically send me flowers. Because he's my husband, and that's what all the husbands I've known do on Valentine's Day. I thought this year, for the first time, I would be one of the proud (and many) who get flowers from their significant others on Valentine's Day (because in my entire life, my dad is the only person who's ever sent any to me). And I didn't tell him to because, really, who wants to tell someone that they want flowers? I don't know. I feel very selfish, as I said before, but I also feel like what would it hurt to send some? The excuse is that it's so close to our anniversary (March 3) which is an excuse I gave him in the case that finances were tight. But they're not. And that's the reason that, with a heavy heart, I begrudgingly celebrate Black Thursday.